So You Wanna Build A Fleshlight
You’ve come to that pivotal point in your life where you’re longing to experience the masturbatory joys of the Fleshlight, but you’re just too goddamn cheap to buy a Fleshlight of your own. Not to worry. A homemade Fleshlight is easily within your grasp, and you don’t have to have been an engineering major to build a Fleshlight of your own. With just a couple of household items and a quick trip to the hardware store, you can have your Fleshlight with just a couple of hours of effort. Assuming you don’t fuck up.
All right, for your homemade Fleshlight, you’ll need a cylindrical potato chip can. Preferably empty, unless there’s something irresistible about plowing your member into a load of Pringles. You’ll also need a 9″ X 9″ X 1″ piece of foam rubber for your Fleshlight, along with a 1 1/4″ O-ring, a condom (preferably unused), a pair of scissors, a marking pen, and that can-do spirit that’s been a hallmark of the American male since the Pilgrims beached their shitty boats on Plymouth Rock. Not a one of them had a Fleshlight, though. You will. Hah!
Now we’re cooking with gas. Trim the foam to the length of your homemade Fleshlight canister. You can have up to an extra half-inch of foam when you insert it into the Fleshlight casing, so you’ve got some wiggle room here. Now you want to unroll the condom and drop that O-ring inside, so that the O-ring is down near the tip of the condom. If you’re using a lubricated condom for your Fleshlight, that’s fine, too – just make sure that the lubricated side forms the inner side of the condom that you’re going to stick into your Fleshlight.
Next, you’re going to lay the condom down along the foam. You want the condom’s open end to be just a little bit over the edge of your Fleshlight foam. Once you’ve done that, mark the Fleshlight foam right where the O-ring is laying. Then cut the Fleshlight foam in two pieces along this line. Take that smaller strip of Fleshlight foam and jam it into the bottom of the Fleshlight canister. Now make sure your condom is lying over the shorter edge of your other piece of Fleshlight foam, with the ends of the condom dangling over each side of the Fleshlight foam. Roll up the Fleshlight foam so that the O-ring is tucked into the deep end of the foam and the condom’s open tip is positioned right in the center of the Fleshlight foam.
Now you’ll need to nick the tip of the condom, enough so that some air can get in. Cram the roll of foam into the Fleshlight casing, keeping the condom’s open end above the Fleshlight foam roll. Leave any excess foam hanging out of the Fleshlight casing. Poke a small hole in the side of the Fleshlight can, right near the bottom, then stretch the condom over the open end of the Fleshlight can, so that all the foam is covered.
Now you’re ready to fuck the bejeezus out of your homemade Fleshlight. Be sure to use plenty of lube and replace the condom after every use. You’ll want to keep some extra foam on hand for Fleshlight maintenance as well. Sure, it’s more of a pain in the ass than actually buying a Fleshlight, but it’s cheaper, and you’ll experience pride of craftsmanship. Enjoy.
